Friday, December 12, 2008

The wife of Asperger's Syndrome

I have recently joined a support group for spouses of pple with Asperger's and here is my little intro that I started with.

My name Cupcake and I am the NT (nuerotypical a term for anyone who doesn't have any form of autism) wife to HUSBAND an Aspie. He was diagnosed when he was 16 and until recently he has sort of thought it didn't matter. We are both 26 now. He is pretty high functioning but has alot of trouble with consequences to his actions, boundaries, he's impulsive and un empathathic. He cannot accept being told what to do so he cannot keep a job and now matter how much money we make he spends it impulsively so we cannot get our account in the black. When I ask him not to tell something he can't help but tell it. When I ask him to be quiet he cannot stop talking and seems to be unconsious of my feelings. We met in October and starting dating in December, engaged in Febuary and married in April.

We are complete opposites in totally Type A and he is totally Type B.
His mother told me before we got engaged of his diagnoses and honest I didn't think it was that big of a deal (if i only knew!). I read a little about it and of course could only find information about children with AS. The information basically said socially awkward (not something I really have a problem with), impulsive (i thought it was kinda cute), and attention seeking (i already knew that ). I'm not positive if that is really it said or if I just didn't want to read more into it than that.

We have just started counceling (last night was our first appointment) and I feel so much better after that than I did yesterday. The reason I pushed the counseling so much is that I feel that he has an unhealthy relationship with sex, even so much as I have called it an addiction before. I have caught being inappropriate online with the same girl twice and he doesn't see why I am making it such a big deal. He has been on a multitude of medicines for a multitude of diagnosis before he was diagnosed with AS, and refuses further medicine.

This has also made me very fearful of having children with Aaron. He has a a child from a previous relationship but he actually has had very little alone time with the child (but he misses him desperately) . I am afraid something bad will happen. I am afraid that he can't fully take care of a child alone. I am afriad that the reason we can't get pregnant (we have been trying for almost a year) is because God knows that it would be a disaster. And I honestly didn't realize it was heriditary (his family are all NT) so now I fear passing it to my son's and cursing my daughters with son's with much worse AS than I am struggling to get thru right now.
He has very bad mood swings and cannot be pulled out of it and that hurts me because I think as his wife I should be able to be the one to comfort him even if noone else can


calendar10000 said...

There are many advantages to having Aspergers, and many disadvantages to not having it. When you look at it that way, maybe having a child with Aspergers is not the end of the world. He could end up being the smartest person you know. I also think that people with Aspergers have the same emotions as everyone else - they just don't show them and that frustrates NTs. The two of you are different and have a hard time communicating because of that. Counseling for the two of you can help with that. Good luck!

Wifey Dessert said...

Thank you so much for your comment!! I realized afterwards that this all sounded a little negative and I didn't mean it that way at all!! I love my husband and we have so many great times!! I was for the purpose of this support group sort of pointing out his AS quirks. Thank you so much for giving me a different purspective on children with AS. I will definately remember that!!